Looking at life as a learning experience and at change as a gift.
Change feels uncomfortable because it leads into the unknown. Discover why personal growth requires change — and how to face it with clarity and ownership.
When I started to write about change one morning, I jotted down some ideas that came to mind. Later in the day I thought: let me check what other people have said about change. I immediately found one of the most well-known quotes about change:
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world“
Mahatma Gandhi
One thing is for sure: not all of us are able to make such monumental changes in the world as Gandhi and several others have made who truly believed in the importance of change.
Why change feels so uncomfortable
Many would agree with me, that going through any type of major change in life can be an intimidating experience (while also one of the most rewarding). Change creates stress, simply because we are facing uncertainty; we have no idea what comes after changing something in our life.
We may see the need to change our home, our relationship, our profession, our employer, or our field of study. And every time we do, we hedge our best bet as we have no guarantee of the outcome. What surprises come with the new home? Will the new career deliver on all the shiny promises? Will my new partner show a different side once we are together? We simply won’t know beforehand, and can only take our best ‘guesstimate‘. So we role the dice and hedge our bets against something about which we have no idea .
So why do we need change when it is so dreadful?
Because growth requires movement
Because we need to learn and develop throughout our life. Lots of times we are sticking to the familiar even if deep inside we feel and know all too well that it is time to take another path as this one doesn’t lead to the life we want to live. And slowly apprehension rises and we start to talk ourselves out of the desire for that change. “The other job wouldn’t be better either”, “the other partner has flaws as well, so why not stay with this ‘good old s**t’, at least we know it and we know what to expect from it”.
Like all of us, I went through many changes in my life and going through them was almost always hard, if not scary. Sometimes my gambles didn’t work out. Did it always put me off to try again? No, but it did make me more cautious. Now when I consider a change I contemplate longer. When I was younger, I boldly embraced big changes in my life. As I was so keen to achieve what I thought would bring me happiness, or whatever I was looking for at the time. And even when I felt weighted down by it, I brushed it off much easier. I changed jobs several times, got married, became a mother, then divorced, moved countries, studied one thing and then realized I wanted something completely different, only to start over again. All of us experience similar things and still when confronted with another challenge, apprehension blocks our seasoned selves, as we have lost our youthful foolishness.
The tools that make change possible
Only recently did I realize that I have tools that can empower me. One tool is to share my thoughts and fears with someone. If someone is there just to listen, it helps me greatly. For sure no one has the ultimate formula on how to manage changes. Noone always come out much better at the other end. But knowing you are not alone, that there’s someone to whom to reach out and who will give you his/her full attention is oftentimes all we need.
Another thing that helps me is the sense that I drive the change, that it is on my terms. Therefore, I shouldn’t just allow things to happen to me and react, but will take charge of my life. I own my actions, even when the outcome wasn’t the best. I know I cannot always win on the gamble. But with time I develop solutions and look at things in a different light. Admitting that I have failed is not easy, but until I don’t, there’s no chance to turn my mistakes into a success. So I would like to conclude with this poignant quote:
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.“
James Baldwin
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