The importance of establishing healthy standards
According to the Oxford Dictionary the meaning of a benchmark is:
“A standard point of reference against which things may be compared or assessed.”
This all sounds so simple, but who sets the standard?
We are all exposed to “benchmarking” at some point. My first experience with benchmarking is from my childhood, though at that time I was not aware what exactly was going on. I only had a strong feeling that something is very unfair here.
My parents often asked me after receiving my school report card how other kids did in my class. They mentioned a few by names, and I shared their results. If my answer was that the particular kid got the same result or worse than myself, their response was: “I don’t care about other people’s kids. Mind you, you just asked 5 minutes ago. I want to know why you didn’t deliver to a higher standard”. The standard being my parents’ expectations, not what I wanted to achieve in a particular subject. If my answer was that another child had done better. My parents immediately gave me a lecture about how it is possible the other kid could learn the subject and I couldn’t. After all, they provided everything, and I only had to study. So how come my performance wasn’t exceptional every time? Well, I could have listed the facts that would have my case, but I learned soon enough that there was no point to that.
Nowadays I experience that same strange benchmarking at work. The board of directors orders a “benchmarking study” from senior management. But senior management conveniently compares the results only to companies against which they are better. Or it only picks those financial parameters in which they are doing well and handily leaves out the not-so-shiny ones. Eventually it will become apparent that targets and results don’t match up. So invariably thereafter the company spends an obscene amount of money on a consulting company to provide enough data to shed light on the discrepancy from which the cherry picking can start. A more appropriate description of this practice would be: moving the goal post. (It is anything but standard.) This type of standard-setting gives me the same uneasy feeling of unfairness that I had in childhood.
What is the purpose?
So, my question is: in the end what purpose does it serve, when all of the participants are aware of the self-deception? If I can pick a standard, I will pick one in my favour of course. Why is it not enough to sit down and think. Whether the results of a company are good enough or not? The same applies to the efforts of a child with his/her studies.
Social media trends
We can observe one recent alarming trend of this standard setting and then benchmarking to it, in the use of some social media applications. Most people fake looks, lives and appearances on platforms like Instagram or Tik-Tok and the like. And still, the younger you are, the more likely you will be entrapped by the seductive power of instantaneous self-reinvention. All due to a perceived benchmark of what is desirable or attractive. But whether real or not, you will feel better about yourself. After all, who could resist the temptation to climb a bit higher on the social ladder? Mainly in a society where appearances increasingly determine social acceptance. But fact is, despite our best efforts we cannot really look like that model. As she / he was born with a completely different set of genes than ours. And we cannot create an amazing souffle if we aren’t talented in the kitchen. Yet, with only a few keystrokes we can create that illusion of perfection to the world and mostly to ourselves.
Which is why it is so crucial to learn the skill to accept our uniqueness, and more importantly to teach it to those most vulnerable to fall victim to unhealthy benchmarking. Those would be our children, and the generations increasingly removed from a time without social media.
All that is required is to train ourselves to accept ourselves as we are. Then we will soon realize there’s no such thing as a standard against which we have to measure our unique looks, skills or abilities. In fact, we need to learn to proudly celebrate the gift of our individuality instead of “caving in, to fit in”. Diversity creates variety, uniformity stamps it out.
It is useful to have standards, but only in the places where it really required
Standards have their place in operating practices, cultural conduct and in science, where they are measurable norms that create the foundation for facts. But they have no place being applied to superficial and very fleeting societal trends. And certainly, we should not allow these to dominate substantial qualities.
Looks, skills or abilities are unique to you. And only you have to be pleased with them, not others.
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