Why People Don’t Change for Love
For part 1 see:
Unrealistic expectations in relationships often begin with long wish lists — and almost always end in disappointment. When we search for a partner while carrying an extensive checklist, failure is nearly guaranteed.
Instead, we need to look inward and identify the two or three qualities that are truly essential to us. These core values should be present from the very beginning. No one is perfect — but it is enough if your partner is perfect for you.
Can We Really Change Another Person?
One of the most common relationship myths is the belief that love can change someone.
It can’t.
Real change always comes from within. It is initiated because the person wants it, not because she is trying to please someone else or meet external expectations.
Let me share a personal example.
When I got together with my ex-husband, the love and desire were strong. We both genuinely wanted to be together. Still, there were small signs suggesting we might not be right for each other long-term — signs I consciously chose to ignore at the time.
One quality I always knew was important to me in a partner was a love for traveling and discovering new places. My ex-husband hated the idea of travel. He was passionate about cars — and little else.
In my early twenties, I thought this difference was insignificant. Who doesn’t like traveling? I assumed he simply hadn’t had enough opportunities. I believed that once he experienced travel with me, he would fall in love with it.
He didn’t.
His idea of “traveling” was visiting his parents, who lived an hour away, and spending our Sundays there. The realization was sobering.
I’m sure most of us can relate to similar moments from past relationships — moments when reality slowly replaces hope.
Why Ignoring Core Values Leads to Relationship Frustration
This is why it is crucial to be certain that a potential partner already possesses the qualities you value most. People do not fundamentally change.
Yes, someone may temporarily adjust his behaviour to meet your expectations. But once the honeymoon phase fades, anything that was done purely to please the other person tends to disappear — especially if it was never part of his nature to begin with.
Unrealistic expectations in relationships don’t just create disappointment — they prevent us from seeing people as they truly are.
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